Friday, February 12, 2010


Here’s a little more to add to your Valentine week celebration. For all you couples (and singles) out there, have you heard of tantric sex?...

My first time hearing about it was while watching the Showtime series “Soul Food”. (A moment of silence for an awesome, awesome show. *sighs* May she rest in peace.) In a particular episode, they touched on tantric sex. Now in all honesty, I thought, “Is this some freaky ish they just wanna push on tv for more ratings?”Then I forgot about it or at least it was in the back of my mind.

From then til now, I’ve heard mentions of it but never gave it much thought beyond my initial judgment of it. Recently, Ebony magazine (Kimora Lee, Djimon and their precious bundle of joy are on the cover) surprised me and had a informative article on it which I’ll be sharing with you in this post.

First of all, what is Tantra?

It is described as spiritual sexuality, using a sensual connection to bring the spirit of love back to the act of sex. The Sanskrit word means “to weave together,” resulting in harmony between opposing aspects of tow beings. According to Cory Silverberg, (an AASECT certified sexuality educator, author, media contributor and researcher) Tantra is over 1500 years old, and like yoga it originated in India. It is a set of teachings and practices that are specifically designed to help us feel more, to increase our awareness of our own energy and the energy around us. The path that Tantra uses to these ends is the exploration of sexual energy. The goal of Tantric sex is to allow us to experience more depth and breadth in our sexuality. The goal is not necessarily orgasm, but rather enriching the whole sexual experience. According to the magazine article, many 21st century couples say practicing tantra is like taking the scenic route to new and exciting places in their relationships, including deeper intimacy, multiple climaxes and passionate exchanges that can last for hours on end.

Okay, it’s Valentine’s Day weekend and you want some tips on making the most out of your romantic day so let’s cut to the chase and bring on Shantam Nityama’s (Tantric Mongoose)

10 Tantric Tips to Take Home.

1. Know Your Role
Women, let your man lead. To experience tantra, he must first evoke her body to sensuality from the top down, focusing on frequency rather than friction.

2. Get Beyond Your Mental Block
Conflict is like clutter. Clear it up before engaging to make room for intimacy.

3. Activate Intimacy
It is important to create ambiance. Try turning up the room temperature to warm the bodies. Fill the air with the scent of patchouli or neroli and keep the color red around to ignite sensuality. Use candlelight to create an intimate mood.

4. Engage Without an Agenda
Take your time. Transform a physical interaction into a sensual journey by approaching lovemaking as a playful exploration rather than as a means to an end.

5. It’s all in the Kiss
Consider the kiss an “energetic interview.” Use the rhythm, pace and intensity of your kiss to express the kind of lover you are and the qualities you want when you make love.

6. Breathe Each Other’s Breath
Synchronized breathing is one step to tantric arousal. Make the heat rise even higher by inhaling and exhaling just inches apart. Eye contact is encouraged to increase intensity.

7. Express Yourself
When a woman remains silent in bed, it is as if she is hiding in a dark room while the man is fumbling around trying to find her. She can guide him using her voice to match what she is feeling.

8. Learn the Power of Touch
Use your fingertips to sensitize your partner’s body. The more subtle you are, the more powerful the effect.

9. Gentlemen: Hold Your Fire
To increase endurance while making love, try maintaining a slow, regulated breathing pattern and bring direct contact to a standstill for a few seconds at a time when necessary in order to return to a slow build. The goal is to maintain the same level of excitement from beginning to the end of lovemaking.

10. Ladies: Lay Off the Pocket Rocket
Take a break from your “little friend” if you want to find the flow with your man. The truth is, he will never be able to match its frequency. Becoming too familiar with a toy can result in sexual frustration and can also lead to numbness.

**These tips can be found in the February issue of Ebony magazine.
Want to know more about Tantric sex, click here for a booklist.

Whether you're celebrating Valentine's Day or not, I hope that you have a wonderful, love-filled weekend. =)


**Above pic is from the film "Tall Enough" by Barry Jenkins.**

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