Wednesday, April 29, 2009


Good Morning Lovelies,

Today I want to talk about family. More directly, how do you deal with a not so positive family and keep a positive mindset. I bring this up because I, like most people, have a family with some disfunctionality. And I must admit, it goes beyond the immediate. I actually have traced it back to my grandparents. Trust me. This is far enough. I see how something tragic & painful from your childhood can affect EVERY aspect of your life. From sibling to spousal daily social interaction. Even down to how you raise your children. Have you considered this?... I have. In fact, I've considered it a lot seeing as I don't want to repeat any of the same negatives in my life and the raising of my child.

Which brings me to the gist of this post. My question is how do you handle any negatives that may come from your family? And by "negatives" I mean habits, verbal, emotional, (d.) all of the above and then more. Do you confront it full-blast...lovingly...timidly or not at all? Do you or have you totally separated yourself from your family? Do you spend time w/them in small infrequent doses, or suck it up, turn a blind eye & hang w/them all the time because they're still family?...

I ask these questions because I don't believe in surrounding myself with negative people or in a negative environment. Not at this point in my life. It's just not healthy. Regardless of who it is. No, I can't see myself completely cutting off from family (unless it was a really dangerous situation) but I will back away & do them in doses, if necessary. Don't get me wrong. I love my fam dearly, but if I feel like my (or even more so, my daughter's) emotional, mental and/or spiritual well-being is at stake of being tampered with, drained, or dare I say, "infected" by any negative habits, thought patterns, words or deeds coming from family then blood relation or not, our time around family will be limited. Does this make sense?...

So tell me your thoughts on this...

**Please note that this post was written during a family drama occurrence.**


  1. I have, for all intents and purposes, totally separated myself from my family. I hate that it had to come to that, but it was a self preservation mechanism.

    I can't let anyone spoil my spirit. I am trying to work up the courage to reunite with my brother, whom I also cut off because he was in the middle of it all. I regret that badly, and want to rectify it before it's too late.

    I guess my answer is that I run away...

  2. Hi Kcurly,
    Sorry to hear that it had to come to that but I do understand "self-preservation" and peace of mind. I do hope that one day you all can get back together on a positive note.

  3. Thanks CO...I hope things get better on your end too!!

  4. Wow that is the million dollar question. It's like walking a tight rope except you always have to remember that once it starts to infect your life now, it's time to pull the plug and walk away. The key is that you have to be healthy in your present family situation (your husband and child). If you still have childhood issues to work out then you don't have time for the current family drama. But if you can keep the dysfunction from harming your family unit just be there for them when you can and pray.

  5. Well said, KIM. Thanks for the comment.

  6. This is a touchy subject for me, considering that I'm fighting some internal battles about my feelings towards immediate family members. All I can say is, right now, my focus is on me! I can't worry about what other grown folks do. It's sad, but I don't really associate with too many of my own. It's also sad that I consider my friends more of my family than my actual blood. At this point, I just pray for all my family and keep it moving! Ms. M

  7. Ms.M, you KIM are so right about "praying" regarding these situations. I think I was getting caught up in the "it really doesn't have to be this way" and "I really wish you'd get help" kind of stuff. But grown folk are gonna be who the are and do what they do. At this point, all I can do is pray and keep me and my daughters relationship as healthy as can be.
    Thanks for the comment, Lady.

  8. Ugh. My father, his sister, and my grandmother are some of the most trife people I have encountered in life. I keep it distant and crunk (at times) but I don't let them get to me anymore. Gotta cut all that negativity out. Also, I see you on the blended family pictures! Those are nice. Where'd you find?

  9. Oh, I swiped these lovely photos off the web. You should know I am so open to relationships with all cultures and I think that racially/culturally blended families are beautiful. I basically googled "multicultural family" on Google Images.


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